These days, many people share and believe in picking their partners from the church. These partners are always assumed to be spirit-filled individuals who would make wonderful spouses.
Without being judgmental, there’s nothing wrong in finding your partner in a religious center or place of worship. However, most people think doing this would naturally make them have a happy marriage and give them the good home they crave for. Firstly, it should be established that not every relationship that starts in the church ends well; finding a brother in the technical department or a sister in the choir doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t face some of the problems faced by other people who probably found their partners outside these religious centers. As a matter of fact, they find it more difficult and challenging living life like the regular people out there without feeling guilty for one reason or the other. Individual spirituality is of varying degrees and in relationships that start in the church; they find it hard to conform to things being done within the confines of a normal relationship.
Below are some of the challenges and complexities of relationships that start in the church
It’s definitely no news hearing that some of the sisters or brothers in the church are retired bad people who used to be tough in the streets back then. However, in a bid to settle down, some claim to have changed by living a new life; one dominated by church activities God indeed is a merciful God; but only Him can really attest to those worshipping Him in truth. Most of the people who venture into these relationships pretend to be people who they aren’t. Finding out your spouse is not who you think he or she is could be the beginning of problems in that relationship. Most times, they feel secured having the marriage title and go back to their old ways of life.
Many couples who started their relationship in the church are always too conscious of themselves. They tend to check themselves every minute to be sure they are living according to the doctrines they grew up with. There’s nothing absolutely bad in doing this, however, they tend to forget they are humans and perfection is an unattainable feat to man. They live based on sentiments and lose themselves in the process of trying to please others. They are most times afraid of being called ‘bad’.
- Inability To Explore Together
Some of the couples who started their relationships in the church are always drawing limits for everything. Love-making for the women is in one position; they lie all through and the men are always unsure when it comes to trying other positions. The other styles are assumed to be worldly. The ladies feign shyness and are afraid to give in to their emotions as they think the men may see them as wantons. At the long run, being sexually satisfied is a luxury to many.
- Sense of Guilt
Another thing that makes some relationships which started in the church complex is the feeling of guilt after sex. It’s a little confusing. Sex is a part of marriage and marriage was created by God. Many people feel different after sleeping with their spouses; they find it difficult to even discuss certain things about their sexuality. It’s a forbidden topic. Some feel doing some things sexually is against their religious beliefs and would eat their hearts out thinking about it. Basically, couples should just draw a line between spirituality and sexuality and treat each as a different entity.
Some of the couples who started out in religious centers are too rigid. They prefer doing things in the primitive ways. They find it difficult to adjust and move with the tide. They find it hard to show warmth towards each other and using words of endearment is not something that goes down with many. They are most times afraid to ask their partners for things which could make them have enviable relationships for fear of being condemned.