Often times, people bear the pains and burdens of their past relationships for a while. They build a shell around themselves for a long time and could decide not to venture into relationships again.
It is understandable that being heart-broken could look like the end of the world to many, some people in extreme cases become suicidal. But in reality, life goes on as it never ends. Time heals all wounds and before long, these people who have been defeated in love are ready to get up and start living again. However, people make so many mistakes when they go into the new relationships. Many dwell on the incidents that led to the break-up and blame themselves for it. They feel if they had acted differently, things could have been fine. This makes them to be careful not to repeat the past mistakes and by so doing they end up becoming not true to their selves.
This are some of the mistakes people make when going into a new relationship;
- Diminished Self Esteem
Many people go into new relationships with crumbled faith in themselves. Their past relationships could have punched them blows heavy enough to daze them and rob them of their self-esteem. The pain and hurt of these past experiences leave them weak and make them strive for perfection in the new relationship. The new partners may sense their desperation and tag it as a point of weakness. If care isn’t taken, the relationship may end up being broken as people like that are most times taken for granted. Some people mistakenly transfer the pains they had in the past relationship into the new relationship and this could create a whole lot of issues in the relationship as the hurt partner would not be true to his/her self but would try to be someone different just to make sure the past error are repeated again.
- Not Defining The Relationship
It is essential to define a relationship before starting it. While one may be depressed and in dire need of an arm of comfort, it would be necessary to ask questions and know what you gain to achieve in the relationship. Many people find themselves in some unnamed union in their moments of weakness. Defining the relationship would help you know your limits and boundaries and also protect you from getting heartbroken again. Defining a relationship before entering into it enables you know the real intentions of your partner and how far the relationship can go. This creates the ideology and level of commitment that would be placed or needed in the relationship. Am not saying relationships that started without a definition never ended right or never lead to something good.
- Accepting Responsibility For Everything
Relationships come with challenges. There’s no smooth ride in life, challenges are bound to spring up and when this happens it should be handled with maturity. When people start to see themselves as the problem in a relationship, it becomes an issue. While it may be good to accept responsibility at times, it would also be wise to acknowledge the fact that no one is perfect. Avoid seeing yourself as a failure, the relationship could break despite investing your all. It is not bad to accept responsibilities for doing something wrong, but accepting responsibilities for everything that happens in the relationship when it is not even your fault is a very dangerous thing to do for the longer this continues the more fearful you grow and your esteem and dignity drains down allowing your partner to use it as your weakness to break up with you or sees you as “Fool”.
- Wrong Assumption
Your partner isn’t your ex; therefore, don’t assume he or she knows what to do without you asking. Starting a new relationship is like starting from the scratch. You have to tell each other the basics and grow in love. Your partner may not be telepathic; do not assume he or she can read your mind. Learn to communicate clearly at all times. Telling your new partner about your ex would help to create some understanding and build trust between you both for your new partner would get to know what not to lead repeat.
- Believing Your Happiness Depends On Your Partner
While a new relationship may bring forth bursts of freshness and add sparks to people’s lives especially after a long time of unhappiness, it should be clearly understood by all that one’s happiness shouldn’t be dependent on a person. Many people, on venturing into a new relationship transfer their happiness to their partners. So when they are hurt, they become depressed and sad. Learn to be responsible for your own happiness; it’s not your partner’s job to make you happy. You can only give out once you have found happiness in yourself.
- Being Too Jealous
Relax! It’s a new relationship; don’t go acting jealous and crazy over your partner. You are just starting out and trying to make something work, remember? And no matter how strong the feeling of insecurity is, it would be reasonable to calm down in order not to destroy the relationship. Showing certain behavior considered erratic could have an adverse effect on your relationship as your partner may not be willing to put up with your attitude if a long term relationship was to be considered.
- Talking About Your Ex
Your new partner is expected to know some things about you. This is normal and quite important. However, discussing your ex may not be something that would interest your partner. It may leave them with a sour taste and change their mood. If this becomes a habit, you may be passing a message to him or her. They naturally feel you are still attached to your ex and could leave if the ex-apologized. Breaking with someone because things didn’t work doesn’t mean you both should become enemies. However, being friends with you ex doesn’t mean you should always talk to him or her, you should set new rules and boundaries here for he or she is just a friend to you now and should receive the same treatment you would give to your friends. To have a happy, trustworthy and healthy new relationship, make sure not to make your ex a close friend for this would create an upset between you and your new partner as doubts would be created and trust would be broken or difficult to be giving to you by your new partner for he/she would feel unsafe to see you talking to or hanging out with your ex frequently.